Where My Head Is: A Poem

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Where My Head Is

A poem by Abby Berman

 

I wish my life could be a timeline in front of me…

And I could see clearly…

Poured out like liquid…

Poured out for me to drink…

So easily, so sweet…

And heartache might be bearable…

knowing “better things to come” could really carry me away.

 

I wish sometimes I had the answers to life’s questions…

Laid out in front of me…

And all of the world’s mysteries weren’t a mystery…

And I could tell when magic is just illusion…

And when disappointment is really just reality…

Poured out like liquid…

Poured out in front of me…

I drink almost passively…

Obeying the laws of time and space.

 

-Abby

 

Where My Head Is: A Poem by Abby Berman

These Hands: A Poem

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By Abby Berman Mazenod

When I become a mother.

I want my daughter to know,

My son to know,

My children to know,

All children to know,

How important it is to be unique.

Because we are who we are.

We create what we are meant to create.

And with this thought, I need to explain to you…

That I love my hands;

My hands that write.

And you should love yours too.

These beautiful hands,

They play,

They create,

They form,

They have worked hard.

These hands communicate what voice cannot.

These hands are beautiful to me.

But they are not perfect…

My middle finger on my right hand,

It is misshapen.

It has felt the work that these hands have done.

It has felt the love that these hands have felt.

It has been the sacrifice for creativity and communication and beauty and love.

This finger

It is ugly.

And when I paint my nails it is the one to stab me.

It is still beautiful.

In its sacrifice,

In its life.

Its beautiful misshapen life.

We need to know what we are willing to give.

We need to know what we are willing to give up for the greater cause.

We need to know that creativity overpowers vanity.

We need to understand that beauty is not visual or physical.

It is important, possibly the most important, to understand,

That in this life,

This modern technicolor life,

There are things that are worth sacrifice.

Things like my hands.

My beautiful misshapen hands.

xoxo-Abby

It’s Simple that You’re Complicated: A Song

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Written and Performed by Abby Berman

 

It’s Simple

That you’re complicated

And it’s fine

That you have your own mind

For something so easy to say

I wish it was easy that way

To believe the words tumbling, stumbling

From my mouth

 

It’s shameful

My attempt to tie you down

Like some exotic creature

I don’t get used to seeing you around

Hypnotic words you say

They do all they can to steal my heart away

Without a warning it’s still beating as you’re leaving

Tucked tightly in your hands

 

Because I’ve tried and tried

So many times

Even from the start

To convince my heart

It doesn’t love you

But my heart is a stubborn one

It runs miles and miles

Through mountains and streams

It does what it wants

It lives in it’s dreams

That someday you’ll love me

Buy my heart is a stupid one

Oh my heart is a stupid one

And it’s torturing me

 

These people

They’re not complicated

They’re fine

There’s nothing that they mind

They’ve never had a struggle to see

They know not of what you burden on me

And I wouldn’t wish it or curse it, not the worst of it

Though I feel so alone

 

Because I’ve tried and tried

So many times

Even from the start

To convince my heart

It doesn’t love you

But my heart is a stubborn one

It runs miles and miles

Through mountains and streams

It does what it wants

It lives in it’s dreams

That someday you’ll love me

Yes, my heart is a stupid one

Oh, my heart is a stupid one

And it’s torturing me

 

This can’t be good for me

It just can’t be good for me

My belly is hungry

I’m starving for more

This can’t be good for me

It doesn’t feel good to me

But I guess I’ll always get what I settle for

 

Because I’ve tried and tried

So many times

Even from the start

To convince my heart

It doesn’t love you

But my heart is a stubborn one

It runs miles and miles

Through mountains and streams

It does what it wants

It lives in it’s dreams

That someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me

Someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me

Someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me

My heart is a stupid one

Yes, my heart is a stupid one

And it’s torturing me

 

It's Simple That You're Complicated-A Song by Abby Berman

It’s Simple That You’re Complicated-A Song by Abby Berman

Writer of Song: A Song

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Written and Performed by: Abby Berman

Recorded by: Gabe Dulek

 

I met a man

On the train yesterday

He told me he was married

But we could talk just the same

Was on his way back home

To see his lovely wife

He told me of his travels

He told me of his life

Then he said “Hey Sister,

What you plan to do?

Your life is just beginning

Your childhood finally through.”

And I just said “Well Mister

Anything else would be wrong

I want to be a writer of song.”

 

Well that’s beautiful through and through

And there’s nothing else that I could ever do

Than be a speaker of dreams and truth

A writer of song

 

So I will take this harmony

And I will take the tune

And I will show the world

What a melody can do

These words they will have meaning

And their truth will be said strong

When I become my writer of song

 

Well that’s beautiful through and through

And there’s nothing else that I could ever do

Than be a speaker of dreams and truth

A writer of song

 

So I will taste this sunset

And speak the broken earth

While I relive this beauty

At its humble birth

This moment not forgotten

It will live forever long

Sheltered by this writer of song

 

Well that’s beautiful through and through

And there’s nothing else that I could ever do

Than be a speaker of dreams and truth

A writer of song

 

These words they will have meaning

And their truth will be said strong

When I become my writer of song

 

(**I wrote this song quite a while ago, and decided to rerecord it recently. It really was written on a train about a month before I graduated high school. )

 

xoxo-Abby

www.TracingAbby.com

 

"Writer of Song", a song by Abby Berman, www.tracingabby.com
 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can Dream the Night Away: A Lullaby

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Written and Performed by Abby Berman

 

 

You can dream the night away

You can close your eyes

Feel the darkness hold you tight

Her perfect lullabies

I’ll be watching over you

It’s only you I see

And when I’m dreaming you’ll watch over me

 

You can dream the night away

Float softly in the clouds

Feel the nighttime’s sweet embrace

Wrap you all around

I’ll be watching over you

‘Till all your dreams are found

And when you wake I’ll catch you on the ground

 

When you think it’s too late to turn around

And it’s too soon to go on

Don’t be scared, just reach out you’ll be found

Just rest your mind

Close those tired eyes

 

You can dream the night away

Rest your sleepy head

Such adventures you will find

While safely in your bed

Peaceful slumbers pull you in

Just let them hold you tight

And I will wake you with the morning light

 

When you think it’s too late to turn around

And it’s too soon to go on

Don’t be scared, just reach out you’ll be found

Just rest your mind

Close those tired eyes

 

You can dream the night away

You can close your eyes

Just feel the darkness hold you tight

Her perfect lullabies

I’ll be watching over you

It’s only you I see

And when I’m dreaming you’ll watch over me

 

 

"You Can Dream the Night Away", a lullaby by Abby Berman, www.tracingabby.com

 

Wishing you beautiful dreams,

xoxo-Abby

www.tracingabby.com

 

 

 

Stuck at Home with a Cold: A Poem

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By Abby Berman Mazenod

 

I guess it’s simply nice

To be here right now

In this day or night

Or whatever we say it is

Not feel time

Not be a part of time

Slow down

Where there is no time

Where time does not exist

And to be given this gift

My beautiful perfect gift

Given to myself, by myself

And so I give me this day

And this day is mine

I will cherish it

As if it is the only day I will ever have

 

-Abby

www.tracingabby.com

 

 

 

She’s the One: A Song

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By Abby Berman

 

 

Like a storm that drowns your soul

Then waits for you to come back again

Take the pieces, once so whole

She waits for you to run back again

 

She’s the one

Your angel, who somehow fell from grace

She’s the one

You kiss her, her porcelain angel face

Let her go

It kills you, it breaks your tender heart

You should know

She’ll slowly tear you apart

 

Like a storm that drowns your soul

Then waits for you to come back again

Take the pieces, once so whole

She waits for you to run back again

 

She’s the one

Your savior, the healer of your pain

In your dreams

You see her, she lets you live again

Let her go

It kills you, but you’ll be better off in time

You should know

They watch her, eat you alive

 

Like a storm that drowns your soul

Then waits for you to come back again

Take the pieces, once so whole

She waits for you to run back again

 

She’ll never give to you

All the things you expect her to today

She’ll only say to you

All the world she knows you want her to say

She’ll never give to you

All you need

Because there is no cause for hope…  when there is no loss of vanity

 

Like a storm that drowns your soul

Then waits for you to come back again

Take the pieces, once so whole

She waits for you to run back again

 

…Take the pieces, once so whole

She waits for you to run back again

 

Written and performed by: Abby Berman

Recorded by: Gabe Dulek

 

***In simplest terms, this is a song about a man who falls in love with a demon.

"She's the One", a song by Abby Berman

“She’s the One”, a song by Abby Berman

Regina Spektor-New Album, New Tour, Same Charming Musical Goddess

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By Abby Berman Mazenod

Regina Spector-www.tracingabby.com

Regina Spektor at the El Rey, Hollywood. September 29, 2016.

 

Last night, I was blessed enough to see the incredible musical performance of Regina Spektor. Celebrating her new album “Remember Us to Life” and the two and 1/2 month tour to support it, this  was the first full-length performance she had done in the three whole years… and she’s still got it!

I have never in my life been to a concert that was more of a sing-a-long than a viewing and listening experience. The small venue only fits 771 people and when looking around at the crowed, every one of those 771 people were accompanying her with every word to every song (excluding the songs she performed from her new album-which was release today). In songs like “Sailor Song”, the chorus of “Marianne’s a bitch” was chanted by the crowed like an anthem. In the final encore song “Samson”(a personal favorite), Spector magically lost her place halfway through while performing and the crowd graciously finished the song complete with “Ooo”s and “Ahhh”s.

Her demeanor as a performer is charming and whimsical. She has a shy and a friendly but quiet way about her, even though her songs are nothing if not open and revealing. An artist that I have often considered the Salvador Dali of modern music, her songs have such depth and an element of tragedy and desperation  while still maintaining a sweet quirky genuine character to them. This was the experience of a lifetime.

 

Regina Spector-Www.tracingabby.com

 

Songs that she performed from the new album included “Grand Hotel”, “Older and Taller”, “Bleeding Heart”, “Tornaoland”, “The Light”, “Small Bill$”, “Obsolete”, “Selling of Flowers”, and “The Trapper and the Furrier”.

regina-spektor-remember-us-to-lifeRegina Spektors new album-“Remember Us to Life”

Her new album, “Remember Us to Life”,  is exactly what fans had hoped for… at least it’s exactly what I had hoped for. Consistent with her traditional sound and storytelling in songs like “Grand Hotel”, she also breaks away from the singer-songwriter style in songs like “Small Bill$”, which has a creepy offbeat melodic chorus true to Spektor’s unique genius . A genuine masterpiece of an album… it is everything to be hoped for from this musical goddess.

 

Hope you enjoy the album as much as I do.

 

Best wishes,

xoxo-Abby

 

www.tracingabby.com

Because of You: A Song

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By Abby Berman

 

Do I have to look alive

To be living

Do I have to look alive

To be breathing

I choose not to move

Because of you

 

Do you have to see my pain

For me to be hurting

Do you have to see the pills

For them to be working

I’m hurting whether you like it or not

Because of you

 

Such answer waiting here

Such a dream to be taken from me

Scared to death to lose everything

That doesn’t mean anything… anything… anything

Oh, I’ve felt it too…

To love somebody who doesn’t deserve you

 

Do I have to grit my teeth

While I’m smiling

Will I ever understand

Such a wild thing

I’m crazy, I’m losing my mind

Because of you

 

Such an answer waiting here

Such a dream to be taken from me

Scared to death to lose everything

That doesn’t mean anything

Should have known better from the start

But who could live that way

Scared to death to lose everything

That doesn’t mean anything… anything… anything

Oh, I’ve felt it too…

To love somebody who loves to hurt you

 

Do I have to look alive

To be living

Even though I close my eyes

I’m still breathing

I watch the world spin me to sleep

Because of you

 

 

Note: This is one of the saddest songs I’ve ever written… it captures a time in my life when I was experiencing true heartache. Luckily the specific details of this song are not literal and were inspired by a piece of literature I was reading at the time.

 

Have a beautiful day,

xoxo-Abby

 

www.TracingAbby.com