By Abby Berman Mazenod
I go to the art museum
I tell myself “maybe this is how some people feel about poetry”
Then I don’t feel so ignorant
From “Selections from the Permanent Collection,” The Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles.
It’s Simple
That you’re complicated
And it’s fine
That you have your own mind
For something so easy to say
I wish it was easy that way
To believe the words tumbling, stumbling
From my mouth
It’s shameful
My attempt to tie you down
Like some exotic creature
I don’t get used to seeing you around
Hypnotic words you say
They do all they can to steal my heart away
Without a warning it’s still beating as you’re leaving
Tucked tightly in your hands
Because I’ve tried and tried
So many times
Even from the start
To convince my heart
It doesn’t love you
But my heart is a stubborn one
It runs miles and miles
Through mountains and streams
It does what it wants
It lives in it’s dreams
That someday you’ll love me
Buy my heart is a stupid one
Oh my heart is a stupid one
And it’s torturing me
These people
They’re not complicated
They’re fine
There’s nothing that they mind
They’ve never had a struggle to see
They know not of what you burden on me
And I wouldn’t wish it or curse it, not the worst of it
Though I feel so alone
Because I’ve tried and tried
So many times
Even from the start
To convince my heart
It doesn’t love you
But my heart is a stubborn one
It runs miles and miles
Through mountains and streams
It does what it wants
It lives in it’s dreams
That someday you’ll love me
Yes, my heart is a stupid one
Oh, my heart is a stupid one
And it’s torturing me
This can’t be good for me
It just can’t be good for me
My belly is hungry
I’m starving for more
This can’t be good for me
It doesn’t feel good to me
But I guess I’ll always get what I settle for
Because I’ve tried and tried
So many times
Even from the start
To convince my heart
It doesn’t love you
But my heart is a stubborn one
It runs miles and miles
Through mountains and streams
It does what it wants
It lives in it’s dreams
That someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me
Someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me
Someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me…someday you’ll love me
My heart is a stupid one
Yes, my heart is a stupid one
And it’s torturing me
It’s Simple That You’re Complicated-A Song by Abby Berman
I met a man
On the train yesterday
He told me he was married
But we could talk just the same
Was on his way back home
To see his lovely wife
He told me of his travels
He told me of his life
Then he said “Hey Sister,
What you plan to do?
Your life is just beginning
Your childhood finally through.”
And I just said “Well Mister
Anything else would be wrong
I want to be a writer of song.”
Well that’s beautiful through and through
And there’s nothing else that I could ever do
Than be a speaker of dreams and truth
A writer of song
So I will take this harmony
And I will take the tune
And I will show the world
What a melody can do
These words they will have meaning
And their truth will be said strong
When I become my writer of song
Well that’s beautiful through and through
And there’s nothing else that I could ever do
Than be a speaker of dreams and truth
A writer of song
So I will taste this sunset
And speak the broken earth
While I relive this beauty
At its humble birth
This moment not forgotten
It will live forever long
Sheltered by this writer of song
Well that’s beautiful through and through
And there’s nothing else that I could ever do
Than be a speaker of dreams and truth
A writer of song
These words they will have meaning
And their truth will be said strong
When I become my writer of song
(**I wrote this song quite a while ago, and decided to rerecord it recently. It really was written on a train about a month before I graduated high school. )
xoxo-Abby
You can dream the night away
You can close your eyes
Feel the darkness hold you tight
Her perfect lullabies
I’ll be watching over you
It’s only you I see
And when I’m dreaming you’ll watch over me
You can dream the night away
Float softly in the clouds
Feel the nighttime’s sweet embrace
Wrap you all around
I’ll be watching over you
‘Till all your dreams are found
And when you wake I’ll catch you on the ground
When you think it’s too late to turn around
And it’s too soon to go on
Don’t be scared, just reach out you’ll be found
Just rest your mind
Close those tired eyes
You can dream the night away
Rest your sleepy head
Such adventures you will find
While safely in your bed
Peaceful slumbers pull you in
Just let them hold you tight
And I will wake you with the morning light
When you think it’s too late to turn around
And it’s too soon to go on
Don’t be scared, just reach out you’ll be found
Just rest your mind
Close those tired eyes
You can dream the night away
You can close your eyes
Just feel the darkness hold you tight
Her perfect lullabies
I’ll be watching over you
It’s only you I see
And when I’m dreaming you’ll watch over me
Wishing you beautiful dreams,
xoxo-Abby
Like a storm that drowns your soul
Then waits for you to come back again
Take the pieces, once so whole
She waits for you to run back again
She’s the one
Your angel, who somehow fell from grace
She’s the one
You kiss her, her porcelain angel face
Let her go
It kills you, it breaks your tender heart
You should know
She’ll slowly tear you apart
Like a storm that drowns your soul
Then waits for you to come back again
Take the pieces, once so whole
She waits for you to run back again
She’s the one
Your savior, the healer of your pain
In your dreams
You see her, she lets you live again
Let her go
It kills you, but you’ll be better off in time
You should know
They watch her, eat you alive
Like a storm that drowns your soul
Then waits for you to come back again
Take the pieces, once so whole
She waits for you to run back again
She’ll never give to you
All the things you expect her to today
She’ll only say to you
All the world she knows you want her to say
She’ll never give to you
All you need
Because there is no cause for hope… when there is no loss of vanity
Like a storm that drowns your soul
Then waits for you to come back again
Take the pieces, once so whole
She waits for you to run back again
…Take the pieces, once so whole
She waits for you to run back again
Written and performed by: Abby Berman
Recorded by: Gabe Dulek
***In simplest terms, this is a song about a man who falls in love with a demon.
“She’s the One”, a song by Abby Berman
Do I have to look alive
To be living
Do I have to look alive
To be breathing
I choose not to move
Because of you
Do you have to see my pain
For me to be hurting
Do you have to see the pills
For them to be working
I’m hurting whether you like it or not
Because of you
Such answer waiting here
Such a dream to be taken from me
Scared to death to lose everything
That doesn’t mean anything… anything… anything
Oh, I’ve felt it too…
To love somebody who doesn’t deserve you
Do I have to grit my teeth
While I’m smiling
Will I ever understand
Such a wild thing
I’m crazy, I’m losing my mind
Because of you
Such an answer waiting here
Such a dream to be taken from me
Scared to death to lose everything
That doesn’t mean anything
Should have known better from the start
But who could live that way
Scared to death to lose everything
That doesn’t mean anything… anything… anything
Oh, I’ve felt it too…
To love somebody who loves to hurt you
Do I have to look alive
To be living
Even though I close my eyes
I’m still breathing
I watch the world spin me to sleep
Because of you
Note: This is one of the saddest songs I’ve ever written… it captures a time in my life when I was experiencing true heartache. Luckily the specific details of this song are not literal and were inspired by a piece of literature I was reading at the time.
Have a beautiful day,
xoxo-Abby
Porcelain Doll: A Song by Abby Berman. http://www.facebook.com/AbbyBermanMusic. http://www.tracingabby.com
I was once a porcelain doll
Do you remember me when?
I was conceived of lace and pearls
Did you like me better then?
I remember when I understood…
I remember when I understood…
Only good
I once had a velvet rose
That smelt of joy
Given in the perfect world
By the perfect boy
I had diamonds in my ears
And hair of gold
A love for all to see
A dream for anyone to hold
I remember when I understood…
I remember when I understood…
Only good, only good, only good
Only good, only good, only good
Maybe I’m a little distracted
As I’m on my way home
Maybe I’ve overreacted
And that’s why I’m alone
And maybe, just maybe
I’m a little confused
Maybe my porcelain heart
Is just a little bit bruised
Hold me now
Just a little tonight
Just a little tonight
Make me feel alright
Hold me now just a little
A little tonight
Love me now
Just a little tonight
Just a little tonight
Make me feel alright
Love me now just a little
A little tonight
I was once a porcelain doll
Do you remember me when?
I was conceived of lace and pearls
You would have liked me better then
I remember when I understood…
I remember when I understood…
Only good
( This was a song I wrote quite a few years ago when I was a new adult having trouble with the idea of growing up. I was in this weird in-between place where I wanted to be taken seriously as a mature individual, and I wanted to experience new exciting adult things, but I was still mourning for an innocent childhood that was quickly floating away. It was such a hard and confusing time in my life. It’s been probably 10 years since I have written this song, but I felt like I needed to share it. It still makes me a little achy when I play it.)
xoxo-Abby
Written and recorded by: Abby Berman
Recording engineer: Gabe Dulek
Given the circumstances
Given the chain of events
I’ve made my deductions
I’ve come to my conclusions
With theories upon theories
That I’ve made up in my mind
Didn’t take long to discover
That you’ve left him behind
Gabriella, Gabriella
Oh, he’s such a perfect fella
But you won’t listen to me
And the love that it could be
Gabriella, Gabriella
You’re his only Cinderella
And oh, you’re missing the boat
I only hope you’ll still float
…Given the circumstances
You deserve a good man in your life
So many have taken advantage of you
And maybe you look for that
But you deserve some sanity too
You’re my friend and I respect that
But I think you should listen to me
And I wish you could see in you
All that I see in you
Gabriella, Gabriella
Oh, he’s such a perfect fella
And you won’t listen to me
And the love that it could be
Gabriella, Gabriella
You’re his only Cinderella
And oh, you’re missing the boat
I only hope you’ll still float
‘Cause he won’t wait around
As long as you want him to
You’re lucky enough
He’s still around after what you put him through
Don’t you see it?
Don’t you feel it?
Don’t you get it?!
He’s all you’ve been waiting for
You’re letting him walk out the door
Gabriella, Gabriella
Oh, he’s such a perfect fella
But you won’t listen to me
And the love that it could be
Hope you find him, hope you found him
‘Cause you know you’re only drownin’
And oh, you’re missing the boat
I only hope you’ll still float
…Given the circumstances
(This song was written about a beautiful friend of mine who has had a little bit of rough luck with love. She’s still on the journey of finding love, and I know she will find someone who really deserves her soon.)
xoxo-Abby
In case I never feel this way again, I’m just going to feel
In case my heart is never this full again, I’m going to drink it in as much as I can
In case the whole world crashes down on me
In case we don’t end up where we’re supposed to be
I’m going to love you with every ounce of me
In case I wake up one day, and my life has been a dream
And all this that feels so real and alive, is just a song painted in my mind
You need to know while it’s so real to me
Just know how it feels to me
Know how I love you with every ounce of me
And if I’m too young to make all this make sense, can I please not be a fool
And I’m too naive to understand such a find, can I please not have made it up in my mind
You need to know how it’s so real to me
You need to know how it feels to me
Know that I love you with every ounce of me
-Abby
It’s simple they say
Life simply gets in the way
And I forget
To remember what’s really real
I’m sorry I don’t show
I forget to let you know
Times have changed
But the phone still goes both ways
I’ve disappointed a few
Like I’ve disappointed you
Can you forgive and forget
I’ve disappointed a few
And I disappointed you
Don’t give up on me yet
Do you rewind through memories
Perfect times with perfect ease
It all makes sense now
We had no idea
If we went back right now, right here
Would it finally all be clear
All that seemed so important
Meant nothing at all
I’ve disappointed a few
Like I disappointed you
Yes, I have my regrets
And I have forgotten a few
But I never forgot you
So, don’t give up on me yet
Tell you right here right now
That I finally see how much you mean to me
It’s taken time
And it’s happened so very gradually
But I’ve had my time
Made my life the way I wanted it to be
And you had yours
And I know that made you happy
It’s simple they say
Life simply gets in the way
And I forget
To remember what’s really real
Yes I have forgotten a few
But I never forgot you
So don’t give up on me yet
*** This is a song/poem about keeping in touch. The older we get, the harder it seems to be to make the important people in our lives feel that they are important. It also becomes a challenge for us to realize how much we need certain friends and loved ones in our lives. I am all for filtering out the toxic people that weigh us down, but sometimes we need to take note of the special people who build us up; The ones that help you and me to be a better you and me. This was really inspired by losing touch with one of my closest friends and my attempt to reconnect.
xoxo-Abby
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